Depression during a pandemic

Man, this shit has gotten me SUPER lonely. I know that doesnt mean shit compared to people who are losing their lives, but, fuck. Disclaimer...I am going to pretty much be bitching here, and maybe some of you can relate. Most people I know that are my age have families, something i was never able to achieve, due to my mental state, and my not thinking that i would be very good at keeping one together. So, of course during a time like this, they are huddling up together, and limiting contact with anyone else. Which is smart, thats exactly as they should be doing. But, I feel like this is a pretty lonely time for people like myself, whose social circle is small as it is, and dont have a family to be around every day. Its pretty much me and my dog, Louie. When i was in my 20s, I was pretty nihilistic, and wanted nothing to do with most people. Had a few friends that I mostly kept at a distance, and didnt care about the company of humans. I guess i have softened a little in my 30s. I really want a support system, and to be around people that i care about, but i think that i made the grave mistake of staying single for too long. Im pushing 40 now, and most single women my age are wayyyyyyy past me, in terms of life experience. They have likely been married, at least once, have a bunch of kids, and have had a relationship at somw point that lasted close to a decade, or more. My longest lasting relationship was under 2 years long, and 6-7 years ago. So, i guess i feel like an alien compared to most people, in that they dont understand me, and I dont understand them. I know that this shit will be over with eventually, but man, not soon enough. That said, i feel for the families that have lost loved ones during this time. That is far more important than what is going inside my weird head.

What im listening to